Fast X

Let’s talk about a movie that would be 20 minutes shorter if they just deleted all the shots of a stick shift being put into a different gear. Also, they were just doing 80mph, so what gear are you putting the car into…7th?!?! Ok, ok. As an principled journalist, I promise I won’t turn this into a vent session and will deliver an objective review of this motion picture.

You know what else bothered me?? Dom’s family is hiding from some super bad guys. Where are they hiding at?? THEIR OWN HOUSE!! You know, that house where they have the barbecues at the end of every one of these movies? The house that’s probably in their name, where if a bad guy Googled “Dominic Torreto’s address”, this place would pop up. That’s an awful hiding spot!!

You should go to your most boring friend’s house and hide there. Sure you’ll have to listen to tales about his bug collection and why the hurdy-gurdy is the best medieval instrument, but at least they won’t look for you there.

Look, the writing is cheesy, the action is ridiculous, and the characters are practically Avengers at this point, yet…I need to watch these movies. I don’t know what it is. I can’t articulate it. I simply have this unexplainable urge where I have to watch the next one and see what they do. That being said, if you’re looking for some mindless, over-the-top fun that will aggravate the logical half of your brain, go see this in theaters. If that’s not in your bag, wait for streaming. The takeaway is, if you’re hiding from mercenaries, don’t hide at your house, go stay with your most boring friend. That being said, I gotta go. My friend Darrell owes some guys some money so he’s going to stay with me until things blow over. Time to bust out the hurdy-gurdy!

🍿= Go to the theater to see (Guilty Pleasure Rating)

🛶= Wait for streaming (probably more objective rating)