The Eternals

The Eternals takes place over the span of 7,000 years, which is appropriate because that’s about how long the movie is. At 2 hours 37 minutes, the key to this Marvel movie is to plan bathroom breaks, or go full astronaut and wear a space diaper.

But enough about your body’s waste, let’s talk about whether this movie is a waste. The answer is, it’s complicated. And I mean this literally. There’s a lot going on in the movie. Every character is new, and I almost found myself needing a pad of paper to keep track of all the names and who had what special power.

Fans of the Marvel movies will want to watch it to see where the next phase is going, but don’t expect to see any fan favorite characters making a cameo. This is strictly The Eternals doing their thing, and honestly that’s what I felt like this installment was missing. It would’ve been great if S.H.I.E.L.D. made an appearance to help with cleanup at the end, or if The Guardians of the Galaxy did a flyby while in space…something to act as a tie-in to the other movies that we love. Instead we get a Superman reference??

In conclusion, there are some very beautiful landscapes in this film that would look great on the big screen. Director Chloe Zhao brings some amazing cinematography to life and the sound throughout the film is top notch (let’s just say it goes to 11 Spinal Tap fans), but the story and the lack of familiar characters is not captivating enough to warrant the trip to the theater. This is a wait for streaming film. And at 2 hours and 37 minutes, I recommend you bring a time machine.

🛶 = Wait for streaming